The Phrases shared by A Dad That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger failure to talk between men, who still absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."